quick recap

i haven't kept my promise to myself. it has been 4 months since my last entry in this blog.

i have mood swings these past days, jumping from one extreme to the other - joy, sadness, contentment, anxiety, the hope for infinite possibilities and the futility of it all. sometimes i think i want to end it all in a snap. something holds me back though, a tiny bit of hope perhaps, cowardice probably. oh well.

a quick recap of the past 4 months

- been keeping myself busy at work. i was able to recall most of skills lost during my 8 month vacation. i got assigned to new work as well.
- realized that books should not be kept on the shelf. books should be passed on to others for it to fulfill its purpose. i gave away my 'jonathan livingston seagull' to an anonymous recipient in addition to my kris kringle gift. I hope he enjoys it. i earnestly hope that it may find its way back to my son. there are some books i couldn't give away. my 'pambungad' is so precious to me. Aside from the text, it carries so much of my college memories. my preeeciooouuusss ...
- totally dissed everyone at the christmas party by being uncooperative. i may tell about it someday.
- my wife quit her job to set up an internet shop. i thought it was a bad idea at first. i came around eventually, seeing that she thoroughly enjoys running the place. i didn't expect though that i will be the official technician. oh well, more work for me.
- i got a seatmate beside my cube. she's ok, putting up with my incessant prattling. through her, i also got know some of the other people, mostly from development. there are some people from my old team i want to catch some time but now they are involved with other people/teammates. i tried to talk to them, but i felt detached. darn, the world giveth and taketh away.
- my son went on vacation to my in-laws. right away, we felt a sense of loss. its like you got struck blind in one eye, everything you see is incomplete. when you go to the kitchen, you'd expect to see him there, nibbling on something. when you arrive for work at night, you'd expect him to open the door for you and greet you good evening. now there's no one there, no nibbling, no 'good evenings'. its painfully sad.
- the internet shop is a thriving success. i think we are near the top of the income curve and may need to add some more machines. not for now though.
- so far every thing is okay. all things are right in the world. if only those incessant mood swings would stop.